What Matters Most Is, What Did It Teach You?

Updated: Jul 10, 2021


Most of us have gone through something tragic in life, whether it has been losing a loved one, having a toxic family or a narcissist as a partner. Regardless of what the experience was, you have to ask yourself: Do I want this experience to determine the rest of my life in a negative way?

I used to spend weeks and months asking myself “Why me?”. What had I done to deserve to go through an abusive relationship, with someone who insulted, manipulated and gaslighted me every single day at the age of 17. I wanted to know what I did wrong, that the universe decided to bring this person into my life.

The problem was that I was asking the wrong question. It’s never about what you have done to deserve it but it’s what you make out of your story that matters. It’s about taking something horrible and turning it into love, passion and teachings. Ask yourself whether the teachings of your past could potentially help make someone else’s life better. We are never the only one who has gone through that specific experience and by opening our hearts to how we overcame it, we help others who are going through the same right now.

You might say – there was nothing positive about what happened to me. All there is hate, anger and pain but the truth is that it’s your choice what see in your past trauma. I anything: you survived. If you are reading this article right now, you didn’t give up. You kept fighting no matter how hard the days were and that in itself is something to admire and to teach.

When I look back at my relationship now, I’m glad that it was me and not another girl who might have given up. I’m grateful that he taught me everything I don’t ever want in a partner and I’m still amazed by the strength that it has given me for the rest of my life. Yes, it was 8 months of hell, but if just one person see’s one of my videos, articles or speeches about my journey and finds hope in it, then it was all worth it.

Rather than just clicking exist once you finished reading this article, take 10 minutes and have a think whether there is anything in your life that you have looked at this way. And if yes, try and find the positive. Write a list with everything that experience has taught you and how you might use it to help others. At the end of the day, we all want to be happy and being stuck in the victim mindset, will never give you happiness.